On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
