I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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