i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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