so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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