This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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