dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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