I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
