all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
