i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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