shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
