Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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