dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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