i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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