Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
