He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
