I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
