im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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