I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
