I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
