there was a trapeze. enough said
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
