wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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