i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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