doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
