i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
