so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
