just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
