i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
