and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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