dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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