fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
