Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
