It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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