Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
