remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
