i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
