Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
