i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
