Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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