so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
