Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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