so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
