4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
