is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
