I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
