If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
