Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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