i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
