just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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