Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
