# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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