ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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