There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
