so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
