just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
