My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
