I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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