yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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