He told me they were just razor bumps!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
