I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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