Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
