I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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