He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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