Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
