Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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