how can u be prego again
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
