allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
