Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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