What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
