he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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